Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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