fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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