Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
