I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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