i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
