Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
