i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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