I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
