I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
