I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
