So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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