We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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