His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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