if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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