just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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