Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
