He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
smell my finger.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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