So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
