I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
