she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
