It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
