Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
