It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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