the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
