I love black thongs
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
