Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
