he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
