Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
