Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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