I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
