ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
