So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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