a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
