Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
