Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
