I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize