okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
