is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We're too hungover to prance.
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