im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
