I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
