I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
