I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
