guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
