you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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