Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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