So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the condom got lost in my hair
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
