my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
