he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
