She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
