If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
