I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
