I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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