my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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