I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
