jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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