How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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