he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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