R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
