Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
