he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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