I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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