his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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