Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
did i just pee glitter
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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